So first things first, this is my new blog. Welcome! Bonjourno! Bonjour! Hola!
I’ve realised im not that great of a speaker yet I want to be influential.. so I thought I’d give this a try.
I have always known about Jesus, being raised in a home full of believers, I can’t remember the day I even began going to church, it had just always been something I did on a Sunday. I remember the Sunday School, making crafts and learning about Jonah eaten up by a whale 🐳 and just praying because that’s just what you did. I believed in God automatically and I was baptised when I was 8 years old believing I truly knew what I was doing but also just wanting to go into the big blow up blue pool they put in the church specifically for baptism. I think every kid wanted to but I took it a step further. I remember being asked
“Are you sure?”
And me exclaiming “yes!”
Around the time of my decision much happened which I couldn’t understand and I didn’t understand why I couldn’t understand.
I got to a place where I just didn’t know who I was. I had learned that my identity was in Christ but who even was Christ to me? I didn’t have a relationship. All I had was knowledge.
Yes he died for me and rose again and defied death and was born in a stable and three wise men and Noah and no sex before marriage and he’s coming back and yah de yah de yah de yah.
But knowledge does not equal relationship.
I had no passion, which lead to me giving up all together. With a little love there is a little effort. I knew the stories, I didn’t love the facts.
So on to the year I became a Christian. WHAT a crazy year. For example, I had three very close friends all deciding to try to kill themselves within a period of three months. Two finding themselves in hospital and one I had to force to let me into the bathroom to find blood all down their arm and just having to be calm for them and clean their cuts up. Thankfully that’s all I had to do I guess.
Other events happened and it had me down, really down. I am very easily influenced by other people’s coping methods and this made me wonder whether I should just end it all. I have never wanted to die but I have wanted to just not exist. I gave up caring about anything, dance, my health, my happiness, my friendships and I just wanted to get high all the time. I am somebody who will go out of my way to help you feel better and my help not being good enough to stop my friends doing this. Well I just felt like the weight of the world was on me.
A christian event was coming up called Soul Survivor and I had always been but this time I was sceptical. I decided I wanted to go so late into the year that I couldn’t afford it so I accepted that I just couldnt go this time. However once John my now brother-in-law heard that I had changed my mind he generously offered to pay for me to go with his youth. I had nothing to lose. Why not.
THIS WEEK CHANGED MY LIFE!!!
I finally connected with God for the first time. I realised that the problem wasnt if he existed or not instead the problem was whether I could accept that there was something bigger in my life than myself. I found that it cost me to get to my breaking point for me to be able to really connect with my maker. Not because he wasnt trying but that I was not fully understanding that Jesus is who I needed to call out on. Jesus is the connection between us and our father in heaven. What a fantastic 5 days camping with complete strangers. They became family.
Like every relationship it’s hard sometimes and I have wanted to give up but I have had an entire year of a relationship with God now and there have been definitely times when I haven’t wanted to follow God but I have to. Once I knew that my life isn’t my own and that life is better to live with Jesus I couldn’t take that back. Sometimes it’s hard work to hold on but there really is no way back, only forward. I challenge you to call out on the name of Jesus.
Ok. Cool. That worked for you but you are loopy. You can’t believe in something you can’t see. Its like believing in the tooth fairy or Santa. If you would like to talk further I am a message away and happy to talk!
I will be posting more blogs about other things but God wanted me to post this first.
God Bless you for reading this simply because it’s so long! Ha.